It’s Ok For Things to Not Work Out
Today is a great day for a little reflection.
The view in the photo below is a reminder of the recent low point in my working career. About a year ago, I was in one of those rocking chairs, staring out the big window, when I realized that I was in an unsustainable working environment. Little did I know, reaching out for help from one of those chairs was about to kick off a career-transforming experience.
Today, I’m moving forward Here are some things I learned:
1. Nobody will advocate for you like you can for yourself. I thought my network was strong and that I could use it to quickly change my circumstances. I quickly realized, my network wasn't built for a crisis. Many in my network knew me as the consistent performer and not as a whole person. Very few of them could quickly understand how much I needed help. And only a precious few would even spare the time to advise me. This meant I was often alone in rooms trying to convince someone that there were issues that needed to be addressed, and that the need to address them was urgent. I had to face these uncomfortable conversations head-on.
2. Speaking up is uncomfortable. Silence is unsustainable. I was so nervous about speaking up regarding my issues. I didn't want to rock the boat. But with silence, I let things get to a point where I couldn't take take another moment. Even today, I have a nightly reminder of how the stress forced changes to my posture and led me to change my sleeping position just so I could rest in comfort.
3. Your mental health has to be prioritized. In the height of my struggle, I had a caring colleague ask about my mental health. That conversation set me on a path to begin recovery of my mind - even before my situation changed. For the first time in my life, I considered therapy. I only started with a few sessions and the learning were basic, but I’m now in the process of incorporating consistent therapy.
4. It's ok for things to not work out. It took me quite a while to come to the reality that my perfectly laid plans to conquer my new space would not come to fruition. I worried about how others would see my decision to make a chance. I didn't wanna be labeled as weak or not capable. I'm learning now, that even through the change, the opportunities for me to lead and make an impact were not diminished. Speaking up on my behalf meant that I was able to help my entire organization get through a tough conversation.
5. Patience. I had to wait almost a year for a change in my situation. I spent so many nights praying and hoping that the process would be quick. So many times, I hit dead ends, and I eventually rationalized that my only option would be to quit my job. Through the wait, I learned a lot about myself, I was able to form some new relationships (and end some where values were misaligned), and I was able to conquer some fears. The Bible says in James 1:3-4 that "the trying of your faith worketh patience." It wasn't enough for me to believe that things could be better. I needed to go through this process to get to the other side. And I’ve been able to encourage many other who are in situations like my own. Because I’ve seen the outcome, I know that better is achievable! Don’t give up!
I hope that sharing this will help someone in a rough spot in their career. I’m still picking up the pieces and moving forward. Restarting this blog is one way of getting to my new normal. I’ve been a little silent here. But I’m back baby! And I’ve got a lot to share!
If you’ve experienced a situation like this, let me know. If you don’t feel comfortable leaving a comment, use the confidential contact form or email me at notavgjomo@gmail.com. I’d love to help you move forward to greater days.
Have a great day. Learn a lot. And be your best.
photo credit: airportimprovement.com
